KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
