I feel like abortions should bother me more
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
