so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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