...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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