When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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