Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
