I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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