I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i would punch a child for taco bell
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
