My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
