This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
