Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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