I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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