So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
