Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I need to calm my uterus...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
