woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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