And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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