so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
