Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
