At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
