I cockslap morals
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
