That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I cockslap morals
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
