I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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