The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
