At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
