why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
