lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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