I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
