smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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