Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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