I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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