actually, I'm a sock model
it wasn't lemon gatorade
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
