This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
