How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
