My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
