I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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