Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
