Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
