She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize