chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She's the barista slut.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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