You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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