I wish my penis had an off switch
he shaved USA in his pubs
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
