I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
