I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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