Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
