I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
