is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Farmville is her only friend.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
