ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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