When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
