i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
