You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
