she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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