All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
