I wanna bring you to show and tell
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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