What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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