i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
