Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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