is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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