Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
