Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
