he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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