Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize