thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
