Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
