I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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