so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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