hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
