I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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