So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
