since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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