Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
