so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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