Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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