Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
