I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Randomize
