1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
