At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
im six kinds of drunk right now
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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