please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
