Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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