Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
why is half of my head shaved?
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