Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
