You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
