The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize