I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
