my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
