Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
