The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize