I molested 6 butterflies tonight
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
