I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
