Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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