she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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