Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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