I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Vodka?
Forever.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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