He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You can't special order awesome
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize