I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
