Your tits are I can't wait for
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
