JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
