I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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