Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
