tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize