Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
