Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
