I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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