I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
