it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize